Why I hardly smile
by RileyRiot
Summary: norway's pov. Answering Denmark why he hardly smiles. Small drabble I guess. Human names used :


Dear Idiot

You always ask me why I hardly ever smile. You did it I'm pretty sure today you'll ask it too. It's become your daily routine. And it's become my daily routine to lie to you. Every time you ask I have to lie. It's not a huge lie and it doesn't affect you...at least I don't think it does. And every time you ask I give you the same answer. 'Because you're around' That sounds harsh I know. But it's what you expect of me and what everyone expects of me. I want them to because that way they'll never be able to read me. The real me. I make myself act harsh and cold towards everyone. Especially towards you Mathias. 'But you're the only one who doesn't back away in fear at my glare. And that makes me happy and warm inside. Knowing you aren't going to leave me. Or when you say in that stupid, goofy tone of voice asking me for a hug then when I say no you do it anyway. That makes me want to smile. I want to smile but I know I can't because if I did then I wouldn't be able to stop.I can do those small smiles that you don't notice...though thats only happened once. If I smiled all the time I would always be happy and become like that Feliciano guy. And I don't want to be like that. I want to be myself no matter how mean or harsh I seem to be. I know most people fear me for it but I don't care

I don't want to be a open book. Available for everyone to read. I prefer to be closed, creating a challange for those who actually want to take the time to know me. But not many people want to take that challange. Not that I care of course as long as you keep trying. As much as I hate to say it I want you to be able to know me. Fully.

And I would open up to you if I could but even before I knew you I was like this and I'm not going to change just for you, for one person no matter how special. It's strange to think that we became friends on the first day of 2nd grade when i pulled your gravity defying hair claiming it had to be a wig...you were extremley stubborn then and if possible more so than you are now. You had to prove to me that it wasn't a wig and made that huge scene to have everyone pull and tug at your hair to prove to me that you were telling the truth and you'r hair was naturally 'awesome' like that you stuck by me for some bizzare strange reason. I didn't know why then and I still dont know why, but I'm glad you did.

Yet lately you've been trying harder to read me, like I've been trying to let you. And I can't bring myself to do it.

It's sweet how you're trying though and I really don't want you to stop trying. Alot of people stopped trying in the past and if I'm honest, I'm afraid you're going to leave me like all the rest. Of course it's bound to happen one of these days but when you drag me out with you and your friends you somehow manage to pay the most attention to me despite your friends trying to gain your attention every moment. And thats another thing I want to smile about. How you pay me so much attention even if I don't want it. You can't always read the mood you see? So if I'm extremley annoyed you don't notice and carry on talking and grinning to me and as strange as it sounds that makes me calm...yeah i know...sound so sappy and strange. Well believe me I'm not. i hate that stuff so much but I'm just writing what I feel right now even if this isn't even going to be seen by you. Because trust me I have no intention of EVER showing this to you. That would make it easier for you to crack my code and I can't let you do that because then you might think I'm boring and leave.

I know you see me as a challange. So I'm going to carry on being a 'challange' if it means keeping you around. Yes you're annoying,loud, obnoxious and sometimes extremley creepy, but it's what makes you, well you. I know I call you a idiot all the time but I would hate it if you became like me. Cold, heartless and harsh. Thats what I am. Or what people think I am. But like you say 'It doesn't matter what others say as long as you know yourself' so I really stopped caring what others think or say by this point...other than you. But you don't say anything mean towards me so its okay. Except I don't know what you think .

I truly hope you like me as much as I like you...because if you didn't then I guess I would leave or...honestly I don't know what I would do. So I convince myself that you must like me else you wouldn't be around. Now that I think about it, this has been eating away at my mind...Why do you hang out with me?...trust me there isn't anything interesting about me. And you're popular. You know you can hang out with anyone. But of all those people you choose me. Me. Lucas. And it makes me think why. Don't get me wrong it's not that I mind, quite the opposite but why do you? I guess I'll never know. It's alright as long as you're my friend. Oh lord I'm dragging this on so much...I really do need to get to the point right?...I guess so, so here it goes. As much as I hate to say this you're the only one whos ever seen me smile. And that's only happened once. But you don't fully realise what you've achieved because it was possibly the smallest smile anyone could give and it doesn't even come close to your ever present grin, But you see I never smile and for you to have been able to do that is huge. I was amazed because for a moment you actually read saw Just a glimmer of the real me. A Part that nobody else got to see, not even my parents when they were alive not even my own brother.

So you see Mathias this whole long letter is just my way of telling you...that...I- uh...I l- lo- _iloveyou_. ok? did you get that because I refuse to write or say it ever again. It'll kill me if I do. But I really hope you heard me when I said it to you yesterday. Then again maybe you didn't. I wouldn't know though. I mean I did run off as soon as i said it. It's okay though because no matter how twisted I feel I know that writing this is helping. So mathias if you ever do happen to see this...which I truly doubt. Just know that if you thought you heard me wrong I said I. Love. You.

Ok? F**k I said it again didn't I? But somehow I don't mind because I'm finally telling you the truth. So the true reason that I hardly ever smile is because if I smiled more it would loose that value. And if my smile lost that value I wouldn't see your face light up when it happened. There. There's your real answer Mathias. Hope you're satisfied. I love you Mathias and I hope you know it. So there. I told you the truth and I told you the reasons. Even if you're not going to see them this is still aimed at you. And who knows maybe you'll find this when you're snooping through my computer like last time. Maybe...is it wierd that I hope so. Yeah. Why is it only you that has that effect? I hate you for it but I love you for it too. So I really, truly hope you've realised if you don't then keep trying to crack the code cause deep down I know that someday you'll do it...maybe...

* * *

hehehe I got bored and wrote a small drabble from norway's point of view ^-^ He is so cuteeeee! . But yeah. Hope you enjoyed. It's kinda short but who cares? (I do XDX) Next drabble I write will be longer. This was meant to be longer but I didn't want to drag this on for too looooonnggg XD So yup. Have a cookie! :)

~Riley~


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